That male sexuality is different from female sexuality (and vice versa) is a given. After all, the old French adage proudly stated, “Vive la difference!” suggesting that it is precisely from this difference that the tension and attraction between the sexes originates.
In the sexual act there is both attraction for each other (and for its diversity precisely) both attention to oneself and what each person through sexuality represents about oneself in relation to one’s ideal image, wholeness, self-esteem, and the deeper meaning connected with being a man or woman (which of course is affected by cultural stereotypes).
If the sexual act is experienced as a form of self-affirmation, from which to derive security and identity, it can take on the characteristics of a performance, of a performance, of a verification of competence/capacity (the sexual one precisely). Now this happens frequently in adolescence, during the period when insecurity and a compensatory need for affirmation dominate, even in this area. With maturity, sexuality should gradually scale back these narcissistic characteristics to become more and more one of the modes through which a person expresses himself and enters into relationship with others.
The male from an early age is very focused on his sexual organ, which is external, and since the state of arousal is clearly visible, he focuses on the erection, its quality, duration and quantity (of erections precisely) the value and evaluation of the performance itself. In these situations, the focus is on the self and sexuality seems to be a competition where the subject himself measures scores, linking self-esteem, self-confidence, self-assertion, etc. to this measurement. Men are known to continually keep an eye on the quality and quantity of their own performance and sexual charge.
Needless to say, if something goes below performance expectations, the whole corollary of values that in a posturing manner has been connected with sexual performance collapses, without the person having structured a protective network that, including variability and the possibility of failure, can preserve self-esteem.
And this can happen since sexuality is something very complex, where body and psyche, thoughts, feelings and bodily reactions interact. in addition, given the rigidity of the starting structure, there is a risk of structuring a vicious cycle in which performance anxiety dominates, resulting in erectile problems, premature ejaculation, anorgasmia, and avoidance. Each of these situations has a specific meaning that should be analyzed with the help of a professional.
For the female, the play of sexuality is expressed initially, and in some cases predominantly, as the ability to attract, to seduce (in the etymological sense of leading to oneself). Women gradually discover throughout their lives the potential for pleasure derived from their bodies. Arousal and orgasm are “intimate” phenomena that have no external, overt feedback. The performance aspect in females is precisely given by the ability to be liked (by the other) and to be an object of attraction (according to an ideal image reflecting fashion standards as well as personal imagery). Through a continuous round of verification based on meetings with possible partners, photo and video footage to be posted to social networks, women measure their seduction quotient. These elements are always part of the seduction game; problems arise when everything hinges on them, when one “collects” conquests or depends on the other’s approval or takes a complacent (some women simulate orgasm) or judgmental attitude. Phenomena of anorgasmia, decreased desire, dyspareunia, and vaginismus may be consequent, and, again, referral to a specialist psychologist, experienced in sexology, would be appropriate.
